The Worst Song of All Time

CNN has been doing an ongoing poll over what should be deemed the "Worst Song of All Time." It seems that Paul Anka's "(You're) Having My Baby" is the worst. I don't think I know the song, but it should certainly win the Most Superfluous Parentheses In A Song Title award. Incidentally, I can't stand parentheses in song titles. They're pretty much always unnecessary and wouldn't make sense in the actual lyrics. People who make these lists, though, are always basing their criticism of the lyrics rather than the music. I watched this show a while back, and nearly every discussion of a song started with, "What makes it so bad is the lyrics." Many of the best pop songs have innane, sloppily written lyrics! Sometimes I think that's part of their charm. The man behind my favorite band of all time, in fact, often points out that his lyrics have no meaning.

The real problem, however, with any kind of list like this is that the actual worst song of all time is probably something no one has ever heard. It's probably some jingle a child shrieked out impromptu on the playground, leading the other children to immediately silence the child, the song never heard again. Or perhaps it's some notes someone put together in their head and never sang for anyone at all out of embarrassment. Hit songs must at least be competent.