Thursday, May 04, 2006


Madonna's hands are now the subject of some scrutiny. Big shocker: they look old. Click on the image icon and you'll see them at their worst--holding down guitar strings. It makes sense that Madonna would have worn, unattractive hands. Most of the body gets better-looking with vigorous use, but the hands and face get uglier. If only there were a workout program that allowed you to keep your hands perfectly relaxed.

But much worse than aged hands are hands that never looked good to begin with. This past week, I met a good-looking guy whose hands I didn't notice until I shook one of them. Mid-hand shake, I was stunned by his monstrous gorilla paws.

Of course, the ugliest hands on any celebrity belong to Michael Jackson. If conservative parents wanted to convince their children that masturbation led to some kind of physical abnormality, they need only juxtapose Michael Jackson grabbing his crotch in his music videos with these flappers:

(Image from the BBC).

But who has beautiful hands? And why don't you hear about them outside of this Seinfeld episode? My theory: no one wants to hear about beautiful male hands, because it seems effeminate to have pretty, underworked hands. Hands still symbolize labor, however, so people aren't interested in focusing on women's hands, either. Not passive enough.

Incidentally, I've been told that I have pretty hands:


Blogger Ann Althouse said...

That reminds me of what Stephen Colbert said after the White House Correspondents Dinner: "Best of all, I got to meet my main man, George W. Bush. Very soft hands by the way. It a very pleasant surprise. I guess he wears gloves when he’s clearing that brush.”

12:51 PM  

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